PROUD MOTHER

by Helen Rowe

This is the season when our loved ones come and stay with us more!…..

In July’s issue you got our daughter Charli writing about freckles why? Simple she had to choose between preparing dinner for the four of us or sitting at the computer and being creative. No prize for guessing who melted in the very hot kitchen. Why the subject of freckles? Heaven knows, probably because of the subject of vanity and how we see ourselves through others opinions of us when we are young, this had been the last thing we talked about. Then I gave her the ultimatum.

Life changes as your offspring and you get older, that obvious! But some of the ways bring a smile if not laughter to me. Here’s a good example. She has returned full time to university. It is lovely to hear her so enthusiastic and excited about her chosen subject and hours were spent discussing the topics she was studying. By the second week I was getting irritated by the continuous conversation on her first year course. Much of this includes psychology and policy; I was beginning to feel like I was the student. As a parent most of us have come to the stage when the child thinks they know more than the parent, sometimes on some subject they do. But (a very big but) most of the time it is book learnt and experience is yet to come. This is not a chicken and egg situation, knowledge has to start somewhere and the classroom is one place, the playground, the home, their peers are a few more. Finally I snapped like the teenager and in a far too petulant voice told her that I knew a lot more than her on this particular subject. After both of us got over the surprise of my outburst we spent time talking about education versus experience.

So once peace and quiet had returned to our home and she had returned to hers I thought about this. I was ashamed at the way I reacted, but could put some of it down to the strain of being chief cook, chambermaid, entertainment manager, chauffeur to name a few hats worn whilst she was on holiday. The rest I contributed to envy.

I am not a jealous person and have always found this emotion difficult to fathom, but envy is another thing. I envied Charli the sheer joy of finding something that was totally encompassing to her. Many go through life never having felt strongly about a subject, which learning more becomes a passion. I hope this does not leave her, tempered with experience that will come with time, many of her points of view will have a human perspective that I will be able to share with her.

I am her proud mother.

Her partner Paul is achieving more than Charli, though I know this is hard for her to palate. He too has returned to full time education and is studying a similar topic. No matter what results he gets, just doing a degree course is brave with a non existent formal education. Not only is he studying a degree, but having to bridge the gap of missed schooling, shows such determination and courage.

Though they are my daughter and her partner they are also my friends, to a friend you can say things that may not always be what they want to hear, but you say it because you care enough. So in the same vein I cannot moan when she dons the parent role and lectures Mum and Dad on various subjects. It may be aggravating but it shows she cares, I think?

As I have the opportunity to talk to many people though my work, I am fascinated by the equation of what people do or did for a living and their educational background. This is only curiosity and has no bearing on them as a person. It is a bit like judging a book by its cover, try it and your doomed to miss the best read! The only true way is allow your gut reaction to take over. Trust it, if you have lived long enough it will seldom let you down.

If I put all my close friends in the same room they would get along fine, because tolerance is a common trait with all of them! The second common denominator is that none of them are spectators in life. Another important characteristic is humour, why, they would not be friends with me without being able to laugh; most of them can laugh at themselves too.

Saying there is a common factor with your friends is a woolly area I have one friend that if I go a week without speaking to her she wonders what’s wrong. Another we seldom speak for six months to a year, we just pick up where we left off and talk for hours on the phone. Charli envies me my friends, I tell her they do not all come at one time in your life – give it time and be prepared to work at friendship.

Three quotes I love on “friends” the last is my favourite.

“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.” — Bernard Meltzer

“Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life.” – Dior Yamasaki

“Friendship with oneself is all-important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

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Posted by editor on 2010-08-18 Filed under August 2010, General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry